1st XI v Epsom

Neville Bartos – Goes Missing

It’s Saturday and I am driving through Surrey to cover Addiscombe’s 1st Eleven Fixture against Epsom Cricket Club. The news yesterday of Neville’s disappearance had hit the club hard on the back of club stalwart and wicket blower Kenny Rogers admission to Farnborough Hospital.
I arrived at the ground at 12.20 and was immediately confronted by Smithy who politely asked have you got your whites “Old Timer” cheeky little bleeder I thought. The only kit I have in my lunch box was a pen and paper I told the former Gavin and Stacey Star.
Hang on a minute that means we are one short and there must be story in that worth following up in true Neville Bartos Style. After a few minutes of Tweeting and keeping my ears to the ground I overheard Pee Wee shouting that Pin Head had been nicked for Speeding on the M23. Should not have given The Met Police a year’s grace in the Championship I think!!!!!
As this story began to unfold it became clear that I needed an interview with Club Chairman Mike Rogers who I could see in the distance kicking the Sh-t out of the Epsom Club Cat. I approached with some haste only to be told to “No Comment until I see my Solicitor”. Nice try we all know David Moore is recuperating in Mayday after surgery.
I need this scoop to show Neville that there are other Paparazzi capable of writing interesting cricket coverage in Surrey.
Back to the match Steve “Three Legged”Cox and Scott “Three Bellied” Benham showed discipline to occupy the crease and at least make the opposition field for 50 overs before we were all out for 92. Jason”Three Shandy’s” Moore arrived late on to caress a timely 25.
After tea Adnan Saleem and Chris Jones opened up the Epsom top order like a “Hot Knife Through Cold Butter” 44 for 6. Game on we all thought.
Enter Rupesh “ Three Tongues”Amin to produce a spell of bowling to take us to victory. Wrong lost by 4 wickets and I guess this is where Neville went missing last week, searching in the long grass for the ball that goes a long way from the bat that was delivered by The Ex Surrey Professional, at last I have my story.
Summary: Neville has the easiest job in the world these ACC Boys cannot help themselves to find ways of making “Headline News” can’t wait for next week and chewing on the fat of these “Croydon Chavs”.

The Rhinestone Cowboy